Dear Scott, 28 February 2011

We are loved.  These are Valentines from Andy & Beth, the Tulett's, Rubie, Eric, Scott, and Grandma Jeppson.

Dear Scott,

I wish I had a good report to give you about my weekend ride, but I don't.  I'm feeling very disappointed in myself.  The weather report was for really bad weather all over the state on Saturday.  The forecast called for 90% rain and a high of 35 degrees in St. George.  My mom tried to talk me out of going, but I was determined that you can't back out based on the conditions until you are right there.  So I still took the kids up to mom and dad's and John and I still went to St. George knowing that we may not ride based on the weather.  I didn't really have a great feeling about leaving the kids at my parents just because my mom ended up having her knee scoped, her meniscus needing repairing, that very day, on Thursday.  But Jared and Chantel were in town and Chantel offered to help with the kids on Friday.  So that put me a little more at ease.  Anyway, I took the kids up to my parents on Thursday, we all spent the night there.  Then I came back Friday morning, got myself ready to go and John and his son Jyson picked me up at 1:00.  I didn't get away from my mom's until 10:00 even though I planned on leaving at 8:00.  It was so hard to leave her with the kids.  She needed to rest and the kids always need so much.  Of course she assured me it would be fine.  The weather was great driving down to St. George.  Just a little cloudy and cool.  That would have been the day to ride.  The website for the bike ride said that no matter the weather the ride would go on.  John and Jyson dropped me off at my grandma's house and they went to stay in St. George at a hotel where Michelle, John's wife had been for a few days for a work conference.  Only Grandma was home when I got there but soon Aunt Wan, CJ, Mar, Tess, Jody (one of CJ's friends) and later Sarah all showed up at Grandma's.  It was quite a party.  When I got up in the morning at 5:45 there was pouring rain and wind.  And it was cold.  John and I decided to wait until 7:00am to see if it let up a bit before we decided to ride or not.  It only got worse so we decided not to ride.  At the time I felt fine about that.  I did not feel like going out in the rain and getting on my bike and being drenched immediately and through the whole ride.  I wondered how many other people would actually show up and ride.  After the other ladies in the house got up we made a great breakfast and decided to go into Zion to "chase waterfalls".  CJ says that during rainstorm there are so many cool waterfalls to see.  By 10:00 when we left the house I was really feeling guilty for not being out on the ride.  But the rain had turned to snow.  As we drove up the rode to Zion I was totally surprised at how many cyclists we saw.  I really felt disappointed that I was not out there.  But there was also a part of me that was relieved.  The cyclists looked absolutely miserable.  Many had plastic bags on their hands, feet, and heads.  Some were dressed for the weather and of course some were not.  No one was riding together to help get threw the rough weather.  Some I'm sure finished the 100 miles, but we saw many ending their ride at the mouth of Zion.  I thought why couldn't I have at least committed to ride the 30 mile option.  But I was having fun with the girls.  It was amazing to see Zion canyon in those conditions.  The misty clouds were hanging low and a layer of white snow outlined all the layers of the red rocks.  There were other hikers, I was surprised.  We brought quick drying clothes, rain coats, and ponchos.  After dropping Grandma off at the lodge where she could be warm and read her book, we hiked the Emerald Pools trail.  There were no waterfalls because it was snowing big snowflakes instead of raining.  But it was beautiful.  At the upper pools there was a huge stalagmite of ice where water was dripping off the wall to the pool.  It was huge.  I really enjoyed seeing Zion like that because I don't think I have ever been there while it was snowing or had such low hanging clouds over the whole park.  On the way back out I don't think we saw any more riders.  Either they had finished or were on to the next part of the ride.  Though I loved spending time with Wan, CJ, Mar, Tess, and Grandma, and seeing and experiencing a bit of Zion during a snow fall, I am totally disappointed in myself for not even going to the ride and beginning.  I felt guilty too that I left the kids with mom in her condition.  I also did enjoy riding down with John and Jyson.  Michelle was with us on the way back and it was enjoyable to visit with her too.  I also finished my book for the book club which I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to because I got it in the mail on Friday right before John showed up.  But it was an easy read.  We got back to Orem about 8:00pm.  The weather leaving Toquerville was bad.  We hit spots of bad snow.  But for the most part the roads were not too bad.  When I got back home I headed up to Farmington and got there about 9:20pm.  The kids were happy to see me.  Eric had a hard night on Friday.  Mom said he cried and cried for me.  He was very sad I was not there.  I guess that Friday Chantel did come over for a little bit.  She took Eric to her parents house in the afternoon and he played with Faith and their dogs.  Saturday Jared and Chantel did come over for a little while and Jared was good at wrestling and throwing the kids around.  Grandpa took Rubie for a walk but Eric didn't want to.  We came home Sunday morning and didn't go to Church with them because I could tell how tired Mom was and needed rest and they needed their quite house back.  I feel like I need to find two races to do this month to make up for my lack this month.

I hope all is well with you.  We are so proud of you.  Eric and Rubie say you are working hard in your work at the army.  I booked a flight to come see you for your graduation.  I'll be arriving on Tuesday evening 6:00pm to Columbia.  I'll be leaving early Friday morning.  One friend was saying that her friend went to visit her husband at his graduation and they couldn't even hug or anything.  I don't think he was at Fort Jackson.  Is it that way?  I saw some pictures on Facebook of some graduations and there were people hugging and kissing.  Have they talked about graduation yet with your families?  Are you allowed to spend a Wednesday and or Thursday night with me?  Your cousin Joy saw on Facebook that you were at Fort Jackson.  She said they are not far from you and would love to come to your graduation.  Since I was given 4 passes for graduation and will only be using 1 I said that she could have the other 3.  We will figure out how to meet up.  Is that okay with you?  Is there anything you want me to bring out to you?  I'm super excited to see you.  Good luck with all your upcoming challenges.  

I heard a song that has been in my head and keeps me thinking of you, it goes like this:

Do you hear me, I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean, under the open sky...
Boy I hear you in my dreams, I feel you whisper across the sea.
I keep you with me in my heart, You make it easier when life gets hard.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky to have been where I have been,
Lucky to be coming home again oh...

They don't know how long it takes, 
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye, I wish we
had one more kiss.
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky to have been where I have been,
Lucky to be coming home again, I'm
lucky we're in love in every way,
Lucky to have stayed where we have
stayed, Lucky to be coming home someday.

And so I'm sailing through the sea,
To an island where we'll meet,
You'll hear the music, feel the air, I'll put a flower 
in your hair.

Though the breezes through trees, Move
so pretty you're all I see.
As the world keeps spinning round, you
hold me right here right now.

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend, 
Lucky to have been where I have been, Lucky
to be coming home again, I'm lucky we're in love
in every way.  Lucky to have stayed where we 
have stayed, Lucky to be coming home someday.

I love you, Scott!

Love, Jen

"Presents" Day

Yesterday was President's Day.  We were getting in the car to go and Eric says, "Mom is it still giving day?"  I was a little confused and didn't quite know what he meant.  I asked if he meant like Thanksgiving, a holiday.  He said sure and I said yes it is a holiday but it is President's Day.  He said okay, but then asked to go to a toy store and get something.  He is always asking to go to a toy store.  Later he asked if it was still giving day.  Again I told him it was a holiday.  Again he said okay.  Then even later he asked again if it was still giving day.  I said it is President's Day.  This time Rubie piped up, "A present for me!?"  Then I realized what Eric had heard me say.  "Presents Day."  He had been expecting a present all day long.  I then tried to explain what President's Day is all about.  Their eyes glazed over and so I basically said it is a holiday, but we don't give presents.  Well that was disappointing.

Dear Scott, 21 February 2011

We're playing girl.  I'm Tina, this is my sister Anika.

Dear Scott,

Saturday I was doing laundry.  Eric and Rubie were playing in Rubie's room.  Finally I was done putting things away and was making up the beds and just picking things up.  They closed the door to the room and I didn't hear much noise.  They were playing together well.  And though I figured they were probably making a mess or something, I left them alone for a few minutes.  When the door opened they came out.  Eric came right up to me and said, "We are playing girl.  I'm Tina, and this is my sister Anika.  We want to watch a Barbie movie."  Aren't they cute!  I told Eric how Jessica and I used to dress up Uncle Joe as a little girl.  We would put a leotard and tights on him too.  We put bows and clips in his hair and called him Josephina.  Eric decided maybe Erica would be a good name for him, that also happened to me the name of the Barbie in the Barbie movie.  I don't think that Rubie encouraged this though.  But not to worry.  Within a few minutes he was tired of playing girl and couldn't wait to be spiderman and some other hero again.

We had a few nice weather days last week, but Saturday and Sunday morning woke up to snow.  The weather was just bad both of those days.  The kind of days you just don't want to leave the house.

eric rubie     4 2                      bvcxzsdf5hghytfvxdsew                mnbhgytre mnjhbgvfcdx

That was from Eric.  He wanted to type some letters too.

Not much to say.  We had a good week that was busy again.  We had Young Women New Beginnings Meeting this Tuesday.  Beth came over and watched the kids, or at least Rubie, Eric was asleep by the time she got here and was asleep for the night.  I was supposed to speak/teach about doing personal progress on line.  I had Tyler Thorstead help me the Sunday before to make sure we could use the internet and things would work in the Church building.  One problem, on Tuesday, we were set up in the Relief Society room, we were sitting outside the bishopric offices on Sunday, right near the router.  But far away, down in the Relief Society room, we couldn't get internet connection.  So I spoke about doing personal progress online without the use of the internet.  Oh, well.  What else, we had the Riley's kids over, Julie has to be in bed for a few weeks with her pregnancy.  So I missed a workout to help her out.  Friday we had preschool over here.  That takes up a whole morning, but it is fun.  The kids really like getting together.  Our letter was R, so we did some races.  The little kids are so funny.  We had Reid Tulett come over and join us also.  Eric, Reid, and Rubie loved the races.  I had to talk Emily, Hannah, and Kambri into doing the races.  They weren't sure they sounded like fun.  The first race was to fun across the room to a bowl of marshmallows, stuff two in your mouth, chew them up, run back, and the next kid go.  Reid, Eric, and Rubie couldn't wait to go, but the other girls just wanted to run and get the marshmallows and bring them back.  They didn't want to be forced to eat them, and especially not fast.  We had another one in which I had some little lunch bags of pictures.  One picture started with the letter R, the others were just random little pictures.  They had to run down and search through the bag and find the picture of the item that started with the letter R.  Again, Reid, Rubie, and Eric were jumping to go.  The other girls didn't want to race, they just wanted to look at the pictures, they especially wanted the picture of ring, and then they wanted to go sit at the table and color it, and color it pink.  All the races went like that.  Oh, and Rubie did all the races in her pink and purple princess bike helmet that she got on Thursday night, and wore all day Friday, and all day Saturday too.  

Saturday while I was riding my bike on the trainer, Rubie insisted on having her bike in the house also.  So we got out a little towel and laid it down next to the towel my bike is on.  Then we brought in the bike with the training wheels.  She would sit on that bike for a few minutes or so, but she was biking with me.  And she couldn't wait to bike outside with her helmet, which also came with a little bell that I installed on her bike.  And a water bottle with a holder.  That is on the training wheel bike though.  So on Friday after preschool we went out to ride her bike.  She is getting better and I even raised the seat for her.  She has grown a few inches since last summer.  Then later after lunch she wanted to bike again.  She almost wanted to sleep in the helmet but I convinced here that was uncomfortable.  She is getting to where she can put it on and click the chin strap herself.  But she needs help undoing the chin strap.  She is so funny!  I love her!

Eric and I had a fight Sunday morning.  I let him watch TV so I can get myself and the kids and the bag ready for Church.  Well I'm not going to let him watch TV next Sunday morning.  He throws a fit when it is time to turn it off and won't get his clothes on or come to church.  So then because I'm bigger and can physically control him, I get him in his clothes and in the car but then we are both angry and crying by the time we get to Church.  Of course we had a big talk about it and he has promised to be good and be obedient when it is time to do something besides watch TV.  But we are going to try next Sunday morning without TV.  We'll see how it goes.  It may be more of a punishment for me than him.  You should see him with the ipad.  He can totally navigate around it to find the shows he wants to watch, even hook it up to the TV.  I have also put some kid learning games on there and he is really good at those.  The games help him learn letters, numbers, and other preschool concepts.  There are some that work with reading and math and we still need to work on those a bit.  Those concepts he has to work a little harder at right now and so those aren't as fun.  But they will come.  

Eric told me last night that he misses you because he wants to cuddle with you on the couch and in bed. They kids were at the Oakey's yesterday while I went to a meeting.  Kendall, brother Oakey, was there of course.  Usually when the kids are over there it is during the week and he is at work, so Rubie has never met Emily and Jason's daddy.  Amy told me that when Rubie saw him she just looked at him for a few minutes and then said, "Your Emily's daddy."  He replied, "That's right."  Rubie then said, "I have a daddy too.  He's just at the army."

I'm so proud of you.  We pray for you each day.  The kids talk about you and even what they want to do with you when you get home.  Eric wanted to buy some pickles the other day and leave some out for you on a plate so you could have some when you get home.  People in the ward always ask about you as well.  I'm surprised at how many people have been in the service, either army, navy, or whatever.  Everyone has some story to relate.  We know you are doing your best and hope you are having good experiences every day.  I love you.  Eric and Rubie love you.  They painted you some beautiful pictures last night.  I know they are kind of big.  I tried to get them to do something smaller, but they just wanted to paint you a picture.  I guess the painting is more special because I don't just let them paint everyday when ever they want.  We always look forward to your letters.  I treasure each one.  May our Heavenly Father bless you with strength, endurance, a positive attitude, the ability to be an example, and opportunities to share the gospel.

Love forever,


Jen





 

Build-A-Bear, Saying Goodbye to Daddy (for awhile)

Scott was to report to Radisson Airport Hotel on Monday, January 17th.  He just needed to check-in but then was free to go spend a few hours with his family.  So we wanted to do something fun with the kids, and something to help them be able to remember Scott while he was gone.  We went to the Gateway and got some dinner and let the kids play on the toys there, and then went to Build-A-Bear.  The idea was to build bears and put them in Army clothing to help them remember that Daddy is away at the army but will be coming back.  We did get the army clothes, but once the kids say all the options, princesses and Woody, they were not that interested in the army clothes.  Eric thought they were cool and just wanted them as an option for his bear.

So we ended up with Belle and Woody bears that could also dress up as soldiers.

A ride on Clifford before dinner.

A turn in the rocket ship.  Maybe she is a future astronaut.

What toy came with this meal?  A Bacugon!!

Chicken nuggets--Yum!

Daddy, how about a real pony?

Cleaning and fluffing the fur.

Stuffing Rubie's bear.

Placing the heart inside.

Woody is ready for his costume.

Belle and Woody Bears.

At the end, you register your bear and it gets its own "birth" certificate.

We had a fun time together.  It was much harder for Scott to say good-bye to the kids than he thought.  He immediately broke down in tears.  Rubie was confused and just kept saying "Daddy's crying." Over and over.  Eric realized that the time had come that we kept talking about that Daddy was going away for awhile.  The whole way home he kept telling me to go back and get his daddy.  That we couldn't leave him.  Over and over.  That was sad.  When we pulled into the drive way he saw that I wasn't going to go back and get Scott, then he really started to cry.  We went in and talked about Scott being gone for just a few months--again.  He was okay after a few minutes.  

On Tuesday I got to go back up to Salt Lake and spend some time with Scott on my own.  We went to Temple Square and had some dinner.  It was very nice.  We definitely miss him, but I can't discount that the Lord is watching over us and helping us every day.

Pinewood Derby Lightning McQueen

Earlier in the year Scott's office held a pinewood derby.  Yeah it makes me wonder too.  But anyway Scott wanted to build his car as Lightning McQueen and do it with Eric.  It took much longer to get the car built than Scott wanted.  He actually never got it finished to participate in the pinewood derby.  But he did get it done with Eric before he left to BCT.

 Scott actually took Eric to Brother Henrie's workshop (he is a cabinet builder) so they could shape the car.  Then slowly have been painting it to look like Lightning McQueen.  They did a great job on it and Eric is really proud of it.  He has it sitting on a shelf in his room on display, although he is allowed to play with it.  It was a great thing to do together.

Monster Truck Rally

Before Scott left for BCT he really wanted to do something with Eric that would be memorable.  He found out there was a monster truck rally in Salt Lake City.  One Saturday afternoon he and Eric went to watch some really big trucks play in the mud.

I think that both boys really enjoyed the show.

Dear Jen & kids, received 15 February 2011

Dear Jen & kids:

Wow I have so much I want to share with you.  I'll just start unloading, hopefully it will make sense.

We did an 8k march the other morning.  It was surprising to see how many people dropped out within the first mile.  The Army is definitely breeding a new generation of soldiers and the poor nutrition, health and work ethic of this generation is concerning.  Drill Sergeants will be the first to admit that the soldier of today is a weaker soldier than of years past.  Because of the shear size of the Army and the number of recruits that are processed each year it is clear this is a mass production operation.  Everything they do is geared to bring "sub par" individuals up to a minimum standard.  One of the affects is that those individuals that are above the minimum don't find it a challenge.  This has been one of my biggest disappointments in that the physical training hasn't been much of a challenge.  In fact the Drill Sergeants have a lot of limitations of how they can treat us and what they can do to us. To sum it up the Army is limiting/mitigating liability.  The cost of "broken" individuals outweigh pushing people.  One example is they cannot have us do flutter kicks.  In fact some of the guys were doing them on their own and the Drill Sergeants made them stop.

I got your valentines yesterday.  Drill Sergeant Wall instantly knew there were candies inside and made go to the front of the class to open and then eat one in front of everyone.  She did it because I passed the first PT test not at BCT standards but above Army standards which is only a big deal because 67% of our platoon failed the test.  They can't even meet BCT minimums.  What is even more disappointing is this was my worst PT in 9 months.

We've done quite a bit of shooting this week.  I've shot 140 rounds from my M16.  We started by 'grouping and zooing'.  Then yesterday we went to a range that had targets set up at 200 and 300 meters.  Next week we will qualify.  We have to hit 23 of 40 targets that will pop up on the range at a ariety of distances (50, 100, 150, 200, 250 and 300 meters).  We'll have anywhere from 3-8 seconds to hit the target.  I'm not too worried, I should do fine.

As I go through these trainings I think of how I want both Eric and Rubie to be trained and preped-for example when we did the foot march a lot of the females did not even start and many of the rest dropped out.  A lot of the females have gone to sick call and are on some sort of profile because of foot, ankle and leg issues.  They simply aren't conditioned for the drills we do.  I definitely want Rubie to be properly conditioned for foot marches, handling weapons and general survival.

One thing I want to do is take the kids fishing this year and we definitely need to do more camping.  It has been quite cold here.  We've had rain some days.

Yesterday DS Wall had each of us introduce ourselves by giving our name, where we're from and why we joined the Army.  After I explained why "we" chose to join, Spc Zell said he was going to start calling me congressman Wilson.  I spoke of how we believe the U.S. Constitution and the principles upon which America is founded to be sacred, that there i one organization which is chartered to protect and defend The Constitution and our freedoms.  That we believe you should be a part of the solution and not simply complain.  I also mention...a DS walked in last night while I was writing and it was after hours.  So new topic.


Today was a big day.  We transitioned from Red Phase to White Phase which means we get a greater degree of trust from the DS.  An immediate change was when they started using songs and chants in our marching cadence.  That simple thing has made for a more fun atmosphere.  Also the DS's are more personable with us.  I've also heard we get a phone call every phase change, we'll see.


I've been meaning to write about the experience.  One of the main aspects is standing.  Through all of Reception and Red Phase a lot of our time was spent in either the Position of Attention or at Parade Rest.  It is important to understand that the regulation is when ever you are in either of the positions your feet, hands, and arms are static and your head and eyes are to the front.  You aren't even supposed to be looking (moving your eyes) around.  This isn't too bad for 5 mins, I used to think 10-15 was a lot.  I've stood like that for well over an hour at a time.  Most of the time outside in freezing temperatures.  This has become one of the "toughest" aspects of BCT, and unexpectedly so.  Another has been sitting in 3-4 hour classes with similar limitations.  It has given me a new understanding/definition of 'discipline.'  The platoon/company has really struggled with being in formation and not talking or moving (fidgeting).  It takes true discipline to stand still and not engage in the conversations going on around you.  I've tried a few times with some success to convince other members of the platoon that the best way to get others to be quiet is to set the example vs. just telling them to "shut up" or "shushing" them.  Christensen my Battle Buddy is excellent at this.  In fact it was his example that helped me early on.


I've also learned a lot about the power of 'positive mental attitude.'  I've had the opportunity to discuss this with a few from the platoon.  In life we have two choices of how we react/respond to situations and/or individuals.  Often our initial emotional or mental response will be negative however if we look a little differently we'll find a positive perspective.  There are so many things throughout the day here at BCT that I could be very frustrated even upset about, however I have made a very intentional effort to be positive about everything.  There are people I can easily say "I don't like PVT Doe or DS X, what I force myself to do is find something good to focus on.  Maybe a benefit I'll get out of a training or a characteristic I like about that person that really annoys me.  Also this means that I can't engage in "I hate PVT Doe" or "This meeting really sucks" conversations.  Once I do my focus has been shifted entirely to the negative and that only weighs me down.


I got your letter talking about how Rubie asks for me a lot.  You also wrote that "she hasn't forgotten her Daddy" which i needed to hear.  One of my fears bouncing around in my head as i stand all alone with my thoughts is "What if my kids forget about me?"  Sure it sounds silly but, put yourself in an isolated situation and ask yourself the same question.  It's not such an irrational possibility from that perspective.  Anyhow, it is one of my silly fears and having you say those things really helps.


Also in one of your blogs (I think it was the Jeppson update blog) you mentioned the farewell party Michelle held for me and you said something about me being missed more at work than at home.  I'm not sure how to fix that but I am truly sorry.


I've had a lot of time to write letters tonight because I'm on "Buddy Watch."  There is a soldier (PVT Bentley) that is getting chaptered out (Discharged) of the Army and while he waits for the process to run it's course two soldiers have to sit up for 2 hrs at a time and make sure he doesn't try to run or hurt himself or anyone else.  This duty cycles through the company and it is my turn again.  The Drill Sergeant on duty is allowing me to write so here is my positive for what is otherwise a very difficult thing to have charitable thoughts and emotions over.

Today we spent most of the day on hand-to-hand combatives.  One of the warm up exercises I think you'll really like it is a great ab, oblique and back work out.  It is very simple yet challenging.  I was pleased when I was able to get down and pass some from the group that had started before me.  All younger than me mind you.


They've posted a calendar of all our training for the rest of the cycle.  Looking from a business perspective the time looks very short, especially for how much we will be accomplishing.  Also this past week seems to have flown.  If next week goes as equally fast, BCT really will fly by.  


One thing I'm going to try and discuss with the Drill Sergeants is the possibility of me driving to Ft. Lee from Ft. Jackson.  I graduate Thursday march 31st.  My orders are to be at AIT on Tuesday, April 5th.  Anyhow the idea I'm concocting is for you to fly out for graduation and to drive together to Ft. Lee.  Then you could visit Jessica and Courtney and then fly home.  oh and of course the kids would need to come since it would be so long.  Anyhow it is a very slim possibility but I'm going to ask anyways.


This next week (2/13-2/19) we will spend a day at a range where single and multiple simultaneous targets pop up on the field for us to shoot.  Then we have two days to qualify on shooting the M16.  Also as a part of White Phase they assign student leadership.  That was supposed to happen today but didn't.  It will change the tone of BCT and I'm interested to see how the Platoon responds to peer leadership.


PVT Gonzalez saw my Book of Mormon and was excited to know that I'm a Mormon.  He's had friends that were but they've never really explained to him what it meant to be Mormon.  I told him it is something we should discuss when we have more time.  It will be fun to discuss.


I just got back from church.  I realized today that I'm frustrated because I want to have a church experience similar to what I'm used to at home.  Here we only have tow hours and the second hour is fairly crazy since they have 2 or 3 classes going on in one big chapel. It ends up being very noisy and I'm looking for some reverent time to feel the peace of the spirit.  I need to adjust my expectations and learn to feel the spirit regardless of the environment.


I want each of you to know how much I love and value you.  I look forward to spending some quality time together and making many memories together.  Here are a couple of pictures for the kids.  Daddy's not a very good artist.


Love,
Dad

Scott drew a picture of a rocket, a princess, and a race car with a lightning bolt.  But I can't use the scanner to scan them in.

Dear Scott, 17 February 2011

Dear Scott,

It's 6:30 am and the kids are still sleeping.  For a few minutes anyways.  I try to be so quiet but they still seem to get  up early.  The other morning, on Tuesday, I had some other kids playing here.  I noticed I hadn't seen Rubie for a while.  I wondered what mischief she was up to.  But she had decided to take a nap.  Her door was closed, her fan was on, and she was asleep in her bed.  She is pretty good at taking care of herself.

We received your long letter yesterday.  I really enjoyed reading it.  I'm sorry to hear that the PT has not been all that you expected it to be.  I agree that is disappointing.  That leaves more to each individual to set a standard for themselves to get to.  Before you even wrote about us coming to see you for your graduation I have been thinking about it.  I really would like to come and have the time at Ft. Jackson, rent a car, drive you to VA, then go see Jessica and Courtney.  And I would also love to bring the kids to do that.  However, as I have been looking for plane tickets, oh my goodness!  We would have to purchase plane tickets for all 3 of us.  Each ticket is over $600.  Spending that kind of money just on the plane tickets makes me a little sick to my stomach.  Also the letter that I received from Ft. Jackson show that your report time to AIT is on Friday, April 1st at 1700 hrs.  Ft. Lee is just 332 miles from Ft. Jackson, so we could make that time by car on Friday.  So I thought maybe I could just drive with you.  But then that increases the cost of the flight for me not flying out of the same airport, also that increases the length of time I'm gone adding the burden of taking care of the kids on someone else.  So I think this is what I will do.  I am going to get a flight and come fly out of Utah on Tuesday, 29 March.  I'll be at Ft. Jackson for family day and your graduation on March 30, 31.  Then I'll have a flight home on Friday morning.  I know that you would like to be able to spend longer together, but I think this is the best option.  

We had a very nice Valentine's Day.  The weather was beautiful that day.  We spent the day over at the Tulett's.  I was able to take the kids to the park and they played in the sand and on the playground.  Jessica Wilson showed up with her boys Dylan and Adam and that was a nice surprise.  Carlee was back at lunch time and then I was able to run in the warmish weather and have a nice workout.  Then I went back to the Tulett's and Nate and Carlee were able to have a date together.  When we got home we had lots of Valentine treats on our porch waiting for us.  There were coloring books and crayons from Andy and Beth.  Rolls from the Ness's.  Muffins from Liz, and a big box of presents from my mom.  We felt lots of love for Valentine's Day.  I hope you enjoyed your day. We sure thought of you.  I love you and the kids love you.

Dear Scott, 13 February 2011

Dear Scott,

It was such a great treat to hear your voice this afternoon.  I wish we could have said more.  It is hard to know what to say in such a short amount of time.  It felt like we were on the phone for just 2 minutes.  I have not done much today but it sure has been busy.  I feel like this is actually the first moment I am sitting down and I realize how tired I am.  There is presidency meetings, making dinner, making valentines for visiting teachees,  cleaning up dinner, doing some laundry, straightening up the house, looking for doll, running around after Rubie refereeing between the children, etc. I have actually downloaded some preschool games on the ipad that they love doing and that is keeping them busy at the moment.

This week was much the same as last week.  I did get sick as I reported to you on the phone.  It was really weird.  I don't know how I was able to fall asleep for 3 hours in an afternoon but somehow I did.  When I woke up the kids were laying next to me on the couch asleep.  I felt enough better that we went to the planning meeting for a new book club.  Carly Pendleton has headed it up.  The members are Chelsea Marshal, Kes Rocha, Catherine Bartlett, Alana Hutchings, and Diana Rosenthal.  I'm really excited to be part of the book club but also a little worried about being able to get the books read at least for the few months while you are gone.

I took the kids snowshoeing again on Friday.  This time Carlee Tulett came and brought her boys.  The kids went even further this time.  Although after awhile no one wanted their snow shoes on anymore.  They were too cumbersome and they didn't sink in the snow anyways.  It was a beautiful day and we all came home with pink cheeks from the sunshine.

I really love reading your letters.  It is interesting what your BCT experience has caused you to reflect upon.  I love reading about your experiences.  I am grateful that you are choosing to have a good attitude concerning your Drill Sergeants and other soldiers.  You are a leader and an example to those around you.  Thank you for being a great example to me and to our children.  I'm afraid the past few days with being sick and extra tired I have had a lack of patience.  I am repenting and trying to do better.  The kids, well, Rubie seems to be lacking in attention.  She does everything I ask her not to do.  She makes a mess of everything and wants to be in everything.  For a little girl that doesn't like to cuddle much she is always saying, "I want to hold you up high."  Meaning she wants me to pick her up and hold her.  I try to take a few minutes to hold her but there are always so many other things that seem to be urgent.  Right now she is sitting on my lap while I type this.  She at first wanted to push the buttons herself.  But whenever she does she totally messes up the computer and it takes forever to get it working again.  So after stressing that she cannot touch the computer she is trying to mimic my typing on the desk.  She wants so bad to be old enough to be able to do so many of the things that I do.  Why do little girls seem to just want to grow up so quickly?  You should see her today in a red dress with white polka dots, red tights with white polka dots and little heart hair clips.  She is the cutest little Valentine ever.

Eric has been so good for me.  He is getting easier to reason with.  He wants to do what is right.  Friday night he slept in his bed in his room.  Ariana Taylor came over to babysit while I went to the temple.  When I got home of course Rubie was in bed, but she also had Eric asleep in his bed.  She must be magic.  I was certain that he would come get in bed with me sometime during the night, but he never did.  It was the best night sleep.  I sleep all night without waking up to being kicked, snoring in my ear, or someone cuddling up to me.  It was great.  Saturday I tried to get him to go in his bed again, but he said he just wanted to sleep in his bed just once.  But it at least gives me hope that one of these days he will go back to his bed.

I hope you have a nice Valentine Day.  I'm going to be making plans to come and see you for graduation.  I'm pretty excited about that.  But having someone to watch the kids will be a little tricky since it is during the week.

I love you!  We pray for you several times throughout the day.  I feel like saying "Be all you can be!"  But you probably hear that a lot, or see it places.

Anyway....Be great!


Love you,


Jennifer

Dear Eric and Rubie, Received 11 February 2011

Eric and Rubie:

You won't read this for many years and it won't mean much to you for some time.  However, I feel it important to write to you regarding my experience here at BCT.  One of the motivating factors for the decision to enlist was the opportunity to teach you things of value.  I know you will both face challenges in your lives.  The point isn't to completely avoid such test rather the point is how you respond.  It is the sum of the many daily choices we make that defines who we are.

Here at BCT I live and work in very close quarters with ~250 people from all walks of life.  Each one with their own background and perspective.  Of those about 12 are LDS but even they have their unique stories. 

One of the greatest challenges with all of these people is the difference in their values and what they believe to be good or bad and the values and standards Mom and i strive to live by.  These are the values and standards we are teaching to each of you.  The difference shows in the language everyone uses here.  The talk is extremely foul, vulgar, and crude. The challenge for me is two-fold.  1) I can't participate and engage in a lot of the "camaraderie" because I would then pollute and corrupt myself.  Also, it would be an endorsement of such behavior which I can't do.  I don't want to compromise my values.  2) I can't judge and think less of the people I work and live with.  I have to do my best to look for the positive in them.  i have to find ways to relate with and establish camaraderie with them that don't compromise who I am and my standards.  

Ultimately this is done through two fundamental concepts, A) I have to be confident in who I am (which is to say my values and standards) and comfortable that not everyone is going to agree with or approve of me.  Key here is love of self and remember God loves you.  B) when your focus is true charity and love for others you will genuinely be able to look past their weaknesses (not embracing/engaging those weaknesses) and see their strengths.  Your mother would say that this is seeing others as God sees them.  And she is right.

Also a challenge I have here is with the Drill Sergeants and my peers.  It is human nature to have negative thoughts/emotions in response to others.  At each moment one has such a thought you have a choice to make.  Either embrace the thought/emotion and build upon it or abandon it and look for a positive optimistic perspective.  For example: many of my peers talk about how much they hate this drill sergeant or that soldier.  And while there are aspects of each one that I can agree with them on I have decided to strive to find the positive perspective.  To further the example most within the Platoon openly dislike DS Wall.  She is aggressive and intense.  Of the four Drill Sergeants 1st Platoon has she is the most particular about details, the most consistent about enforcing them and invokes the most emotion in her manner of calling attention to those out of compliance.  All of that I observe, my peers would agree but would use a different vocabulary to describe her.  Here is my opinion of Drill Sergeant Wall: she is a professional who takes her job very seriously.  Her job is to be a Drill Sergeant and that means putting a lot of pressure and stress to test and develop young civilians into sound soldiers.  As long as you follow every instruction with exactness she leaves pretty much alone.  One mis-step and she will indiscriminately reprimand.  She is very aware of insubordination "attitude" and has a zero tolerance for it.  Her escalating intensity is reflective of certain individuals' persistence with the issue. One thing that helps me is observing her interest with the other Drill Sergeants.  She laughs and displays a fun personality.  Also, she does take the time (generally) to explain the expectations (how to perform a certain movement) and ensure they are understood.  She does this calmly and particularly.  Once she's done that then it's on and she holds us accountable.  Also, I think of the incredible work schedule these Drill Sergeants maintain.  They are here to wake us up at 4:30am and they are with us pretty much straight until 9:00pm, seven days a week.  They only get Thanksgiving Day and Christmas off.  They run a cycle for 10 weeks and might get as much as 2 weeks in between, often they only have a weekend break.  That much work, the stress and pressure combined with the role they are paid to play makes me look at the Drill Sergeants and after the initial human response of anger or negative thinking I have to acknowledge that they are doing a good job and for that I respect them.

This is an example of what I mean by having more than one option of for how you respond to people and/or circumstances in your life.  I hope that as you grow and develop you will master your emotions and thinking to successfully manage such.

Today we attended church for the 2nd week in a row.  Today is the Super Bowl however the only thing I miss is having my girl by my side and our two beautiful children with us.  For tonight's class session Drill Sergeant Wells (the senior DS) opened up a bit and talked to us about growing up in Philly, his three deployments and a lot of his opinions on various topics.  He talked about feeling it an honor to serve his country.  Somewhat lighthearted anecdote came out whild he was talking about serving in the Army:

DS Wells: Rhetorical Question--"Ask me if I want to give my life for my country soldier?"
PVT Holliday: "Do you want to give your life for your country Drill Sergeant?"
DS Wells: "Hell no! Soldier.  But I'll do my job when it's time."

It was a real good class/discussion and my esteem for DS Wells grew a lot tonight.  He is definitely a leader I'd go into battle with.

Our platoon is coming together and we're becoming friends.  In coming letters I'll try to wrtie about some of the members of the platoon.  I think I may be able to call next week sometime, which by the time you get this it could be within a few days.  I hope I'll be stronger this time and able to stay on the phone.  Hearing your voices is bitter sweet as I miss you so very much.  I got the paintings from Eric and Rubie and they are treasures to me.  I love my family so incredibly much.

Love,
Dad

Dear Jen, Received 11 February 2011

Dear Jen,

"To those of you who are not yet to the season of life when you might serve a couples mission, I urge you to prepare now for the day when you and your spouse might do so.  As your circumstances allow, as you are eligible of retirement, and as your health permits, make yourselves available to leave home and give full-time missionary service.  There are few times in your lives when you will enjoy the sweet spirit and satisfaction that come from giving full-time service together in the work of the Master."

This quote from President Monson's Saturday morning opening remarks has been on my mind a lot this past week.  When I read it I think of what our priorities are and first and foremost I think of raising Eric and Rubie to be strong and valiant in the gospel.  That they are well prepared to serve and contribute in their adult lives.  However, once they're gone what of you and me?  President Monson lays it out, we need to be building for missionary service, I envision us serving many missions over many years together.  And the next 25 years are to prepare physically and spiritually for that service. I remember a time when I was in El Salvador and my fantasy was to be with you.  Being away has reminded me that it is still my fantasy and now I have a clearer vision of what the future phases of our time together will be like..as President Monson describes.  I love you so much. 

Today was brutal!  The toughest part of BCT has been staying awake in all-day classes.  They have been ramping up the PT very slowly, which has been a disappointment.  Combined with eating poorly I'm not seeing the physical progress I had hoped for.  On Saturday we went through the gas chamber.  That is an experience I hope to never have again, ever!  They did a pretty good job preparing us for the affects, the one aspect I wasn't prepared for was the complete inability to breathe, it was a pretty freaky experience.

We were able to go to church on Sunday.  I about cried when we walked in and they had a video playing of the Music and the Spoken Word, hearing the choir was awesome.  I saw a number of soldiers from the RSP.  I also saw Brother Snyder.  He seems to be doing well.

I received your letter yesterday, which was extremely helpful.  I'm glad to hear you enjoyed your St. George trip and that you did so well with the 1/2 marathon.  I'm also happy to hear about so many people taking care of you.  You and the kids are in my prayers daily.  I am totally dependent on the Lord to look after my family.  I wish I had long blocks of time to write, however, I am often interrupted mid-sentence.  If my writing is disjointed that is why.

We had another very long day in the classroom.  Last night I had CQ duty which is to say that I spent two hours cleaning the offices.  I had been pretty good at staying awake but today I did actually fall asleep.  Tomorrow we have some more and then we take a test which is required for graduation.  I know earlier in this letter I wrote about them not pushing us physically and ironically enough in the time since I wrote that we've been "smoked" more than in all the time we've been at basic.  I'll write more tomorrow and then I'll put this in the mail.  Good night for now, I love you.

Today we took the "Combat Life Save" (CLS) test and I passed!  Yeah!! This is required to graduate from BCT. They had 58 people fail which had a lot of us quite concerned.  You know me I was in the back of the room crunching some numbers; the company average fail rate was 14% (58/290) and our platoon fail rate was 8% (4/52), which of course the whole time I'm thinking..."I wish I could get some additional data to better understand why those who failed failed?  why did 1st platoon perform better than the others?"

My ops-minded thinking has be doing that a lot around here.  one of the toughest aspects to deal with is time management.  That is that they control 100% of your time to the highest degree.  For example: they march us to the Dinning Facility (DFAC) for chow we line up in Parade Rest (arms behind our backs, eyes/head straight forward).  Once at the serving line we hold our trays directly in front of us, side stepping and can only ask in very few words for food which is given in very specific portions.  Once we sit down to eat we can't speak to one another, we can't look around.  We have 10 minutes or less to eat and we have to get outside.  When we get our drinks we have to hold one hand over the glass (to prevent spills).  Anyhow, as extreme as this sounds the entire day is managed similarly.  My Battle Buddy (PV2 Christensen) is great, he was in ROTC and is a good kid.  He and I are two of the best about "lock'n it up" whch means we stand, sit, or whatever is expected with our mouths shut.  We speak very little.  i don't know much about him because of this but I know I am very grateful to have been assigned someone that a)gets it and b) cares.  He did tell me that part of his motivation for enlisting was to get discipline/direction in his life.  In Jr. High and high school he was a straight A student.  Once he got to college and had new-found liberty he started drinking a lot.  He decided that drinking wasn't going to get him where he wanted to be so he enlisted.  I have a lot of respect for him.  As I said he's a good kid.  He keeps me on time for everything (usually 10 minutes early).  Slowly the rest of the platoon is getting to know each other.  Last night we had a smoke session from Drill Sergeant Wells (the senior DS for our platoon).  Every time he called us to the position of Attention he made us say:

More PT DS, more PT
We like it, we love it, we want some more of it,
Make it hurt, DS, make it hurt.
Make it hurt, DS, make it hurt.
Smoke me!

Then he would give us a new exercise to do.  At the end of every movement though you have to be called back to the position of Attention which creates a perpetual loop.  Most of us loved it.

I know my writing is all over the place, I hope you'll understand how fragmented my time to write is.  Also it is hard to know what you'll be interested in and what you won't.

I wish I could adequately express to you what I feel in my heart for you and our children.  Today one of the "briefings" (military term for a class) was on sexually transmitted infections (STIs).  Everyone including the instructor laughed at abstinence as an option for prevention.  It made me think about how you and I don't even have to worry about such things because we'll only ever be together with each other.  I also thought of how much we are in love and we've chosen to be married forever and not just a one-night stand, that seems so special to me.  I wish everyone else in that room could experience a love such as ours.

Tell Eric that I really like the picture he drew for me.  I've hung it up in my wall locker along with some of the photos from Costco.

Tonight we leaned how to take our M16's apart and reassemble them.  Tomorrow we start classes on how to shoot, aim, etc.  Basic rifle Marksmanship is the next major component we have to pass to graduate BCT.  I think we'll begin shooting next week.  That should be fun.

I know I've said it a lot...I miss and love you.  I pray for you daily.  I hope all is going well for you.

Love,

Scott.