Single Mom?

We are middle of the second week that Scott has been gone for AT.  Why is it so hard this time???!!!  I cannot seem to get caught up.  I have been staying up late just to get dishes done and clean.  Then I have been up multiple times in the night with Samuel and sometimes the other kids for bad dreams or wetting the bed.  Uggh!  I finally got sick with a sinus infection.  I have totally lost my voice.  It could be worse though.  It could be so bad I can't hardly function but thankfully it is not.  It is mostly an annoyance because I am low on energy, produce voluminous amounts of mucus, and now matter how I talk I always sound mad because of my voice.  I would really just like to whisper or not talk at all.  I have been feeling like a failure as I am having a hard time keeping the LeanMoms menu and workouts.  I cannot keep up with meals, cleaning, laundry, I don't spend time with the kids like I should.  Samuel never gets walks.  Has he even been on a hike?  What is going on?  Rubie is mad at me ALL time.  No matter what I do or say, it hurts her feelings and she goes on a rampage of how no one loves her or likes her or she is stupid or idiot or some foolishness like that.  Sunday morning she was really on one.  Thank goodness I was in the right frame of mind not to react.  I just kept a positive attitude.  She wouldn't let me do her hair, and finally when I did then she messed it up.  She finally put a dress on but then wanted to wear tights that didn't match and her old scuffed shoes and it wasn't just that she wanted to wear them but she told me she did it on purpose because it looked bad and she wanted to look ugly.  Gradually her attitude changed and she participated in the Father's Day songs in sacrament meeting (Eric didn't because Scott wasn't there) and she did her talk very well.  By the end of the day she told me she loved me.  But Monday morning it started all over again.  Yikes.

We have gotten into a rhythm of doing our workbooks and school review after breakfast then doing devotional in Samuel's room right before I put him down for a nap.  We have t-ball and coach pitch baseball games M-Th.  It doesn't seem like we have much stuff but we do.  Rubie still has dance until her performance on the 17th.  Yesterday she had to be to dance from 11-12, then 3-4.  Thursday there are pictures in the morning.  Monday she has rehearsal for 3+ hours and then the performance.  I decided to take a break from karate for the summer and I'm sooo glad.  I would be really hating it.

Saturday I decided to do something fun with the kids.  I called Beth and Andy to see if they wanted to join us.  We went to This is the Place Heritage Park.  It was really great!  I'll go there again.  We really enjoyed our time there.  I'm just trying to hang on each day and not drown.  Will I ever make any progress?  Despite that I am trying to be happy and positive and enjoy the moments of the day.  I love my children and they bring me so much joy.  I just wonder how people do it--it seems years ago that moms always had help with meals, shopping, cleaning, and child care.  How can I get help?  It seems that young girls aren't really willing to have a job like that anymore.